


Keeping up with the Hawthornes

by acoolgirl



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Family, Gen, Humor, Maybe a little angst, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 06:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16035185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acoolgirl/pseuds/acoolgirl
Summary: Tyrannical government, near starvation, and Hunger Games aside, being a Hawthorne came with its own brand of craziness.





	Keeping up with the Hawthornes

**Author's Note:**

> Gale: 15  
> Rory: 10  
> Vick: 7  
> Posy: 1 and a half

“You two be good, you hear me?” Ma tells them both as she shifts the cloth that ties Posy to her back. 

“Yes, Ma,” Vick says diligently. Rory just nods and sticks his hands in his pockets.

“Yesh Ma!” Posy parrots loudly, looking at Rory for some godforsaken reason. Did he  _ look _ like their Ma? Unbelievable.

“Don’t give Mrs. Everdeen no trouble,” Ma continues. “Gale will pick you up when he’s back from the woods.”

“Yes, Ma,” Vick says again, and Ma turns to look at him with narrowed eyes.

“Yes, Ma,” Rory sighs, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. He hated that crazy bint, Mrs. Everdeen, and he hated being holed up in her house every weekend.

Ma’s face softens and he knows he’s off the hook. For now, at least.

“Ok, give me a kiss goodbye,” Ma says leaning down a bit. Vick immediately responds and kisses her cheek. Because he’s the biggest pushover, he kisses Posy too.

“Rory,” Ma says expectantly, still bending down.

“Ma- _ a,” _ Rory groans. “I know people on this street!”

Ma’s eyes flash dangerously. “And what’s that got to do with my kiss?”

Better to be seen giving his Ma a kiss than being whopped, he plops a quick one on her cheek as well. And because Posy is there he gives her one too. Just cause he doesn’t wanna deal with her whining. That kid could throw one heck of a tantrum.

Ma gives them both one last smile before pushing her rickety laundry cart down the lane. With a great sigh, Rory turns and walks into the Everdeen yard. Vick rushes to catch up and latches onto his hand, making Rory roll his eyes. Remember what he said about pushover?

Rory raps twice on the door, the same way Gale does, and he can hear clearly someone running inside.

A moment later the door is swung open and he’s attacked by a sack of really pointy sticks.

“Rory! Guess what?” Prim shrieks. Blugh, did this girl have no boundaries? She thankfully lets go of him soon enough only to pounce onto Vick. The goober seems to share her excitement even though he has no idea what’s going on.

“What, Prim?” Vick asks excitedly, bouncing up and down on his heels as he hugged her back.

“I got a goat!” Prim exclaims wildly, a huge grin on her face. Hm...she had a weirdly small mouth.

“A goat?” Vick sounds like someone told him he’s the new President of Panem. “Where?  _ Where?!” _

“Follow me!” Prim waves over her shoulder as she runs back into the house, Vick right on her heels like a pack dog. With nothing better to do, Rory rolls his eyes and sticks his hands into his pockets, following them at his own leisurous pace.

He ends up in the backyard, and sure enough in the middle is the ugliest creature he’s ever seen.

“Rory, look!” Vick cries happily. “Her name is Lady!”

“Well she  _ looks _ like a tramp,” Rory huffs. The thing’s eyes were so far on either side of its head, he wouldn’t be surprised if it would completely miss him if he stood right in front of it.

“Rory,” Prim chides as if she’s his freaking Ma before resuming playing with the creatures soiled-nappy looking ears.

Rolling his eyes, he plops down on the porch stair to watch a seven and eleven-year=old lose their minds over a goat that looked like it personally inspired the word fugly.

It gets kinda boring after a while. The goat’s probably walked two steps its whole life and Prim won’t stop using this annoying voice while talking to it. Vick just continues to embarrass the Hawthorne name, which is pretty hard to do, considering Gale is their brother.

Also, he’s annoyed. Prim seems to have snuck out some sort of grain meal for the stupid goat that she and Vick continuously feed it. The goat looks like it could be a poster-child (eh...maybe grandma) of the Capitol’s obesity epidemic, and Rory is sitting here ignored and forgotten. That won’t do!

“Ahhh!” Rory suddenly screams, clutching his head as if in great pain and falling to his knees.

“Rory!” Vick shouts as he runs over. “Rory are you ok?!”

“Vick…” Rory gasps as he rolls his eyes into the back of his, writing into the patchy grass.

“Rory, can you tell me what’s wrong?” he hears Prim ask. A moment later he feels two very cold hands on his face. What the heck. Was she a vampire or something.

“The goat,” Rory moans, body still trembling as his eyes closed. “Take me to it…”

“Her,” Prim corrects.

“Roryyy,” Vick cries. Well, great. Everyone knew that once Vick started crying, he couldn’t do anything else for at least 15 minutes.

Since there’s no way Prim alone can carry him alone, Rory has to get up and limp to that stupid goat, Vick clinging to his side the entire time.

Yeesh. Close up, he could smell the goat better. It reminded him of those fancy perfume bottles he saw in the general store. He still didn’t understand why women wanted to smell like ew day toilet, but as Gale always says, “girls are weird”.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Prim asks as he climbs on top of the goat. It bleats annoyingly, but otherwise doesn’t try throwing him off.

“Brother and girl I know,” Rory begins solemnly. Vick is still sniffling but has quieted down enough that Rory doesn’t have to yell to be heard. “I have heard something really cool.”

Prim raises an eyebrow, and Vick’s eyes widen.

“What did you hear, Rory?” Vick asks breathlessly, snot hanging out of his nose. Seriously, the guy had zero Hawthorne charm.

“This goat is a god!” Rory shouts. “An angle came and told me!”

“An angle is the distance between two intersecting lines,” Prim points out. If she were a guy, he’d give her an atomic wedgie. Too bad girls didn’t wear underwear.

“If you’re done with your English lesson, I’ll continue” Rory bites dryly. “Because I am the guy that like talks and stuff, you have to do whatever I say otherwise tramp will curse you to smithereens.”

“Lady,” Prim corrects again.

“What’s a god?” Vick asks. Oh, for the love of- couldn’t anything be easy?!

Surprisingly enough, Prim steps up to the plate.

“A god is something that sees all and knows all,” she explains to Vick, stares at her with his mouth open, revealing a full set of teeth. Maybe Vick should pray to tramp to lose some of his teeth.

“So I can ask her anything, and she’ll answer?” Vick asks awedly. Prim nods, and Rory glares at her.  _ He’s  _ supposed to be the person in charge here!

“I have an idea!” Prim suddenly gushes. “Why don’t we ask Lady a question, and see how she answers?”

“She answers through me!” Rory cuts in angrily. “I’m the head honcho!”

It’s as if he’s a ghost, because Prim continues like he’s not even there.

“We can ask her a question, and then put out two grains, one for yes, one for no, and whichever one she eats is her answer,” she explains to Vick, who’s nodding along excitedly.

Now that he thinks about it, it’s better to shift all the responsibility on tramp now, before he has Prim and Vick constantly bugging him for insight into the supposed future.

“Ahhh,” he moans, holding his index fingers to his temples. “Tramp says...she agrees to the rules.”

“Lady,” Prim corrects as she sits cross-legged in front of the goat, Vick sitting down next to her. Apparently, this gives tramp an idea, because she also decides to sit down, throwing Rory down.

“Ugh,” Rory groans as he sits up. “You stupid goat!”

“Rory!” Vick yells angrily. “You can’t call a god stupid!”

“I can call it whatever I want, idiot!” Rory shouts back.

_ “You’re _ an idiot!”

“You’re a bigger idiot!”

“You’re the biggest idiot in Panem!”

“You’re the biggest idiot in the world!”

“LADY,” Prim interrupts in a loud voice. “Who is the bigger i-word, Rory or Vick?”

She sets out two tiny piles of grain. “The left is Rory, the right, Vick.”

The three of them watch with their breaths held. Tramp eats the left pile first.

“HA!” Vick shouts jubilantly. “I told you.”

“Whatever,” Rory snaps. He was seriously sick of this gosh dang goat.

“Will I be a doctor?” Prim asks Lady. The answer is yes.

Vick asks if he will be a miner. The answer is yes. Duh

“Do you want to ask a question Rory?” Prim asks, holding out a hand of grain. Rory takes the grain and thinks for a moment.

“Will I be tall like Gale?” Rory asks. “Left is no, right is yes.”

“Yes!” Rory exclaims when she eats the right pile first. “I knew it!”

Vick asks the same question, and annoyingly enough, gets the same answer. Copycat.

They continue taking turns, cheering or growing sullen with their answers, but things don’t spiral until it’s Prim’s turn again and she comes up with a question neither of them have thought of.

“Will my,” she pauses to giggle. “Will my husband be handsome?”

Lady eats ‘no’ first. Rory can’t help but laugh when Prim’s face falls.

“I could have told you that,” he says, taking some grain from the bag. “Lady, will my wife be pretty?”

He says nothing when she eats the ‘yes’ pile. He doesn’t have to, his smile says enough.

“Lady,” Vick begins. “Will Prim marry Rory?”

“What the heck, Vick?” Rory shouts embarrassedly. “Why would you ask that?”

Vick looks at him as if it’s obvious. “Because you’re ugly and she’s pretty.”

_ “I’m  _ ugly?” Rory wails incredulously. “I’m the Finnick freaking Odair of this district! My reflection can fix a cracked mirror! I’ve  _ redefined _ fashion in 12!”

“Well Lady clearly disagrees,” Prim giggles lightly. Rory looks over and sees that the ‘yes’ pile has been devoured.

Rory jumps up. He’s  _ had _ it with this dickhead goat.

“I will never marry you!” he yells at Prim, who stares back at him with a serene smile. Turning to tramp, he shouts, “And you smell like butthole. I will never worship you!”

Running inside, he jumps on the moth-eaten coach and covers his head with his arms. He hates visiting the Everdeens.

 

* * *

 

“Rory.”

“Nnhg,” Rory moans. “One mo’ min’t.”

“Rory,” the voice persists.

“Shuddup,” Rory groans, trying desperately to fall back asleep.

“Rory!”

“What?” Rory snaps, opening his eyes. Big mistake.

Staring right at him is tramp. Not gonna lie, the way one of her eyes stares at him, and the other somewhere at the ceiling, and the fire glowing dimly behind her, he nearly pisses his pants.

“Rory,” he hears again, but when he looks around he finds Vick and Prim napping on a mattress by Lady.

“Hello?” Rory whispers hesitantly, looking around the house. Maybe Mrs. E was losing her mind again or something.

“Rory, it’s me. Lady,” the voice whispers.

Slowly, Rory faces the goat again. Sure enough, she’s still staring at him. Do goats blink? Because he’s pretty sure she hasn’t blinked since he’s woken up.

“You have angered me, Rory,” Lady says, though her mouth doesn’t move. Holy freaking crap. The goat  _ was  _ a god.

“I-I’m sorry,” Rory whimpers, knees knocking together as he trembled with fear. “But really you should be angry at...Gale.”

“Oh?” Lady says. “Why is that?”

“Uhhh,” He hadn’t thought that far. “Wait! You can’t kill me because I have to marry Prim! Don’t you care about her?”

Lady makes a weird noise. That’s when Rory notices that Prim’s breathing funnily…

“You!” Rory shouts, leaping up from the couch. “You were doing that voice, weren’t you?”

Prim sits up with a grin.

“I-I’m sorry,” she repeats, giggling madly.

Rory is about to go over and sit on Prim and fart on her till she passes out when the door opens, and in come Katniss and Gale.

“Gale!” Rory cries, rushing over to the only sane person in the house.

“What’s wrong?” Gale asks bewildredly as Rory throws himself onto him.

“I am never getting married!” Rory shouts muffedly into his torso. “And I hate goats!”

Before Gale can question any of this, Vick also decides to make an announcement.

“I’m gonna marry a goat god!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Would you believe me if I said I HAD to write this fic because the title wouldn't leave me?


End file.
